From Heartbreak to Healing
For anyone who has lost a beloved pet, it is devastating. The feelings we have for them are immeasurable. We form tight bonds just like we do with other humans, making pets irreplaceable. Some feel that we only get one pet to cherish in a lifetime, which is why not everyone is easily persuaded to close that heart-wound by adopting a new pet. My experiences, however, have taught me that you get as many treasured pets as your heart can hold.
As always, I will digress…
Growing up, our family had an assortment of cats, who mostly came and went as they pleased, several mutts from the shelter, and a couple of purebred Collies, over the years. Being an animal lover, I was sad for each one that passed away, but it was my parents who took care of them and we kids reaped the benefits.
When I became an adult, however, things shifted in a profound way to where I assumed a parental role with my dogs and cats, and for the first time I experienced a deep family-connection with them.
To be clear, I was a “work in progress”, learning about this “parenting thing”, but each new dog or cat that came into my life taught me, not so much about them, but rather, about myself, so as I became more enlightened, my bond strengthened, making each of their deaths heartbreaking.
But as the song goes, “How do you mend a broken heart?” The answer is to find another soul whose heart needs healing too.
Freddie’s death rocked me and Fanny’s shocked me, and although experience taught me I would eventually find another dog to love, it was too soon, so I decided to wait a few days to begin my search :)
For those who begin the daunting task of finding a new family dog, especially if you are drawn to mutts or cross breeds, the right one isn’t necessarily going to jump out on Pet Finders or other rescue sites especially when you are seeking certain characteristics that a beloved pet had.
For my search, I had to find traits that I looked for in Fanny when Freddie passed, and in this new dog, now that Fanny had passed.
I was so blessed to have found in both heart-dogs, traits like funny, outgoing, fearless, athletic, good with other animals, loves people and smart. These are not apparent in a picture or even during a first meet up, but I felt that wherever this new dog may be “hiding”, I needed to begin at a place that was most likely to have a large pool of “Bully dog faces” that I tend to gravitate toward. And who better to have a pool of these, than an organization dedicated to rescuing Pit Bulls!
I found a few of those faces on the Chi Town Pitties website and fortunately, some of those dogs were going to be at an event this past June. When I arrived, I learned that some were already spoken for and others just didn’t stand out as the one I was looking for, but in actuality, this was a reality check to remind myself that I wasn’t as ready as I wanted to be, nor was this the right situation to make a decision. I was encouraged to fill out an application so that the rescue had an idea of what I was looking for and if approved, I would have a priority place in the “line” to meet a new dog.
I’m aware that I don’t always recognize a future soulmate dog (or person, for that matter), but I trust that If allowed to spend a little time together, sometimes the “right stuff” appears in magical ways as it did for me when I met Freddie and Fanny for the first time, years ago.
I was a much younger human when I met Freddie, so his powerful 70 pounds was not an issue, however, when he died, I was a decade older, so I wished for a smaller “Freddie” and the universe answered with 37 pound Fanny; little did I know that she would blossom to 60 pounds! I’m 2 decades older now than when I adopted Freddie, so for sure I knew that I should eliminate any “pony size” dogs. And while the likelihood of finding a shrunken down “Bully” is slim, the universe sent a BIG Bully dog in a 20 pound body, ironically named Tonka as in Tonka Truck! There he was, 15 pounds of head and 5 pounds of body, wearing a macho camouflage patterned harness. Oh, the universe has a sense of humor!
Of the many things I love about Chi Town Pitties is that as a prospective pet parent, you must first become a foster so that you can see how everyone gets along. My only line in the sand was that Tonka would be okay with my cats; most other things I would handle.
The funny thing is that while I had my list of “must haves”, in reality this list is what I wished for only because both Freddie and Fanny had personalities that checked all the boxes, but I knew that deep down, there were plenty of compromises that I was willing to make as long as no one got killed or ended up in a cone :)
The first thing I noticed about Tonka was that he didn’t notice the cats. Hostility toward the kitties would have been a dealbreaker, but his behavior was more than I expected. (Checked box, “Gets along with animals”.) He did have a few sibling squabbles with my dog, Fonzie, but that was human error (isn’t it always) after I dropped a piece of food and these two macho boys made a grab for the same piece!
When I took Tonka from his foster person, I noticed how easily he went from her to me, almost insultingly, but I asked for friendly and so I got to check off the “loves people” box.
Thanks to him, I lost 10 pounds this summer, as he really loves to explore a variety of environments whether by walking, or riding in the car, making it easy to check off the “outgoing” box of traits that I observed about him in this short time period.
I also saw that he was rather unflappable in most situations. This is something that my Fonzie does not have, as he is anxious around loud noises, unfamiliar sounds, and pretty much anything that disrupts his beauty sleep. But Mr. Tonka was unfazed with novel stimuli, making him an ideal companion whether traveling or just hanging out in the evening trying to watch TV over the clatter of the upstairs neighbors who I believe, just started a rock band! (Checked off, the “fearless” box of traits.)
As for being athletic, this was the least important box, but surprisingly, his body defies physics. Nature gave him a small stature with an oversized head, that most animals or people would have a difficult time navigating, but this little guy, who at first, showed no dexterity to climb the stairs, managed to learn quickly how to “bunny hop” the stairs with ease. He can also twirl all the way down the hallway on his way to his crate where he eats all his meals. In a recent blog, “Bed frames, Bully Sticks and Begonias, Oh MY!” I chronicled the first few weeks of his antics, many of which were about this guy’s ability to get in and out of situations that seemed physically unlikely.
Is he smart? Well let’s just say that I haven’t spent a lot of time doing any formal training with him because my immediate goals were making sure he felt safe and loved in our home. I did notice, however, that when I told him that our wonderful veterinarian would be stopping by, Tonka immediately ran to the sunroom where he anticipated his acupuncture treatment and cup of frozen baby food. I think I can check the “smart” box… for now :)
Tonka has been thriving in our home for the last 5 months. In keeping with the “F-Troop” tradition, I changed his name to Fredo, the name of the brother in the movie, The Godfather, not because of the character, but rather, I liked the actor, John Cazale who played Fredo. I even thought he looked a little like John, until I discovered that Fredo actually looks like Rami Malek, but I decided that “Frami” was not going to be invited to join the F-Troop :)
Of all the traits, “funny” is the most endearing. This was Fanny’s signature way of being, and the thing I miss most about her. I have so many videos of her racing down the hallway and then dropping a shoulder and rolling around on the living room floor, while vocalizing her gleeful, “Ahhhhh!”
The other day Fredo suddenly ran down the hallway and into the living room where he dropped to the floor and rolled around in glorious bliss; for a moment I heard Fanny’s mirth.
Who knows why this little “Bully dog” was tossed out on the street along with his little “roommate”. We’ll never know his history, but seeing his transformation has been healing.
He is the dog that I asked the universe for, and he melts my heart every day.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
© Fran Berry CPDT-KA, UW-AAB all rights reserved 2024
